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Top 20 Porn
Sites to see Before You Die - 10 to 1
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Celebrating 2 years of Masturbation Invasion
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Pvt. Hudson
continues his countdown of the top 20 porn sites to see
before you die, thus proving that he hasn't died
since he saw them.
If you've
not managed to catch the first half of our countdown
then it can be found
here.
Otherwise,
sit back, relax and enjoy numbers 10 to 1. What's made
the top of our list? You're just a few sites away from
the answer! |
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10)
Freaks of Cock |
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Freaks Of Cock
Bless ‘em. They do
have a damn good go at trying to convince us
that everything here is the real thing. But
really, if you do believe it then I’d
suggest you need to watch more porn, but
amazingly there ARE lots of people who
believe this. Like I say, they deserve
credit for genuinely trying to have us
believe that the 14” cocks, which
mysteriously never seem to be fully erect,
are the real thing. They never make fun of
themselves or anything.
Having said that, pur-lease. Come on, guys.
Most of us aren’t complete fucking idiots,
are we? Do you really credit us with being
so dumb as to buy this? When cocks
ejaculate, firstly, they don’t just stop
like somebody has pressed the ‘off’ button.
Secondly, no cock ejaculates this much. And
finally, WHAT DO YOU TAKE US FOR?!
However. Somehow it still manages to be
immensely entertaining. How do they manage
it? Well, the guys take it all seriously and
the girls manage to react like they are
being hit by a fire hose-like cumshot. Some,
however, can’t keep a straight face (I’m
looking at you, Eva Angelina!), showing the
whole thing up to be an utterly surreal
sham. An entertaining sham, but a sham
nonetheless. You really have to see this, if
for no other reason than to see just how
dumb the human race can be sometimes.
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9)
Galactic Girls |

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In case you’re wondering why you need to see
this, well, you can see what the site says
themselves:-
“Where else can you find hot girls having
anal sex with aliens and dangerous girls
with guns and reserved beauties who look
like they could bite your cock off but won't
and 36" space monster cock going into wet
pussies and more crazy acts you thought you
were the only one who fantasized about?”
Okay, they may not be familiar with a comma,
but they’re just about spot on with this
mental cosplay site. It’s been horrendously
underrated and ignored, in my opinion,
registering barely a notice amongst most
review sites. One wonders why. After all,
how often do you actually get to see Jade
Marcela fucked in a swamp by a double-dicked
monster? Or Jasmine St Clair shagged by
something that looks like it came straight
out of Doctor Who?
I wouldn’t mind if the gimmick was shallow
and wasn’t actually used to its full
potential, but it is. The content is
brilliantly performed for the most part,
extremely well shot and they’ve managed to
attract some of the very biggest stars in
the industry into this site. What more can
you actually ask for, especially when you’re
dealing with originality here as well. Maybe
I’m missing something, but I thought it was
superb. And completely mad.
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8) Hot
Legs and Feet |
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Free Gallery
It might seem strange to have this genre
site above Denys Defrancesco’s megasite 1-By
Day & 1 By-Night in this list. However, this
specialist foot and leg fetish site is, in
my opinion, his true masterpiece. I know for
a fact that some fans of this fetish hate
the immense glamorisation it gets in many
adult sites as they feel that it gets in the
way of the legs and the feet content, but I
always think that’s a really churlish
criticism of a site where almost everyone
knows exactly what they’re doing.
Ultimately though, you don’t just have to
see this if you’re a foot and leg fan. You
have to see this if you’ve always wondered
what that fetish is all about and why it has
so many followers. Once you’ve seen Silvia
Saint slowly rubbing her legs or various
European hotties giving a guy a footjob in
fishnet stockings, you will surely start to
get it. They’ve even managed to snag Aria
Giovanni for a few shoots recently.
It used to be the case that I didn’t
actually ‘get’ this fetish for a while, and
while I would openly admit that I’m not a
true devotee of the subject, I do like the
subject immensely and I’d say that quite a
lot of that is due to Hot Legs And Feet.
Plus, when you see sites that are dedicated
to a particular genre struggling to vary
their content at all and getting quickly
stuck into a rut of repetition, you really
do have to remember the extraordinary
variety they have here to show what can be
done.
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7)
Suicide Girls |
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Arguably one of the most widely influential
adult sites in existence, Suicide Girls may
have spawned piles of inferior suitors, none
of which have come close to capturing the
success or quality that this site has, but
one does wonder if they have become a little
bit too closeted and protective of
themselves as they have become more widely
recognized in the mainstream media. A
mainstream, of course, that they are
supposed to be separating themselves from.
Ahh, now I get it!
Of course, you all know Suicide Girls now
and its promotion of alt-culture embracing hotties and their desire to rid themselves
of clothing at every opportune moment. But,
y’know, I don’t actually mind all the
imitators they have influenced. Actually,
looking at how far ahead of the opposition
they remain, they probably don’t mind
either. Loads of copycat sites means loads
more hot goth and punk girls displaying
their tattooed and pierced bodies in copious
amounts of videos and photo galleries.
Their transformation into an all-round
culture site with film and music reviews,
interviews of mainstream figures (hmm) and
the suchlike hasn’t sat well with everyone –
hence some of the competitor sites that are
now out there, occasionally formed by
disillusioned ex-Suicide Girls. But this is
a site that I would always present to people
who say that porn and adult entertainment
have nothing to offer popular culture and
art apart from quick titillation. And that’s
why you need to see it, if you haven’t
already.
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6) Wicked
Pictures |
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Read our Review
The online arm of one of the most
influential, successful and excellent porn
studios has been around for almost 14 years
now and was formed a good 3 years before I
made my first nervous steps on to the
internet. With their strict condoms-only
hardcore scenes policy which has been in
place for over 4 years now, you wouldn’t
believe the amount of backlash these guys
took from people, occasionally inexplicably,
demanding bareback action all the way.
Now I’m one of the rare souls who thinks
that Brad Armstrong, possibly their
best-known regular director, is rather
overrated. I’m not a fan of his occasional
attempts at making ‘proper’ films alongside
the porn. But he is very, very good
sometimes. That his movies, which have won
and been nominated for awards galore, aren’t
always the best that the company can offer
shows you just how good this company is when
they’re at their very best.
Wait, we’re supposed to be talking about the
website, aren’t we? Well, you can get access
to about 470 of their movies for a monthly
subscription. That’s why you have to see
this. You can’t download the videos? Yeah,
if I were in charge of Wicked Pictures I’d
let you download all of their videos and
keep them for yourself as well. Pfft. And
anyway, although I might not like their
style sometimes, lots of people do and their
budgets are now so big that they put some
Hollywood films to shame. And not just Uwe
Boll.
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5) Bang
Bus |

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Site
So you can
see what all the fuss is about when they’re
in the news, again, for being unashamedly
rude in ‘public’. Their name has gotten lost
somewhat in a clamour of sites that have put
‘bang’ in their name in an attempt a quick
cash-in, but the bus-based version is the
original and best. Of course, the damn thing
isn’t realistic in the slightest but its
influence on porn has been enormous although
not everyone would say that is necessarily a
good thing.
I find it amusing that newspapers have run
exposes of the site about the content being
staged. Well, thanks for that. They chop
down rainforests so that newspaper
journalists can have more room to print
stories that any halfwit could have figured
out for themselves? Excellent. Genuine
realism really isn’t the point of Bang Bus
as far as I’m concerned as there are so many
more issues going on here as far as I’m
concerned.
Tinted windows or not, it’s the fact that
they get away with doing this (and by now,
everyone in the Miami area knows what
they’re up to in there!) in ‘public’ and
also the humour that they manage to come up
with in the videos that really drives it
(pardon the pun) and has influenced the
whole genre enormously. Having been around
for over 7 years now inevitably the ideas
are starting to look a little dated. But
it’s doubtful you’ll see a site that does
this type of thing quite as well.
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4)
Shane's World |
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Excellent!
It seems strange that the pornographic
offshoot of the Saturday Night Live sketch
has had a longer shelf-life than that which
inspired its title, but there you go. And
unlike most ‘reality’ sites that hit upon a
great original idea that gained them
mainstream recognition, they haven’t sat on
their arses and just let the concept sail
along. They’ve developed it, honed it,
perfected it and made a couple of
outstanding offshoots from it.
It’s been around for almost 10 years now and
in that time not only have they perfected
the whole college campus porn genre (to the
fury of colleges all over the States) but
they have also discovered a number of now
big name stars along the way. I’m personally
of the belief that most reality porn is a
bunch of crap and not worth bothering with
and whilst I’m not denying that a lot of
staging and setting up goes into Shane’s
World and its accompanying sites, there is
at least a very decent semblance of reality
at the same time.
Their ongoing YouTube campaign encouraging
college students to post videos promoting
their campuses as the next location for
their College Invasion series (which I think
is the best thing they’ve done) proves that
they are determined to keep developing and
changing and ensuring that their label stays
fresh. The manic hardcore parties and orgies
have to be seen to be believed, and I dare
say that there might be some people reading
this who have participated. Send photos!
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3)
Crack Whore Confessions |

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Ahh yes. Of course, there’s a good chance
you’ve heard of this if you haven’t actually
seen it. There’s also a good chance you
might well have dismissed this as complete
bollocks – there’s no way they’d find REAL
crack whores to fuck, they’d shut the site
down, surely? Not so. And whilst I can’t be
100% sure that everything here is the real
thing, they do a damn good job of making it
look real if it isn’t.
But, pushing aside my naturally doubting
nature, I am inclined to believe almost
everything that I see here. In fact, I
almost didn’t feel right watching some of
this – the teaming of occasionally poignant
stories of women and their destroyed lives
at the hands of drug use with subsequent
hardcore sex scenes is one that certainly
will not sit well with many people and it
was difficult to watch at times. And yes, I
suppose it could be viewed as pure
exploitation but you could argue all day
about this.
Ultimately though this is daring pornography
and whilst you might not agree with the
subject matter, in an industry absolutely
clogged with the same old shit for so much
of the time, here is a site that actively
decided to try something different and
controversial, and managed it. Having said
that, bearing in mind how difficult this
will surely be for anyone to get their kicks
out of and be titillated by, just how can it
be pornography?
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2)
Porn.com |
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It seems ridiculous that for years, Porn.com
sat without any porn actually on it, acting
as a placeholder site. And then PimpRoll
bought it for an estimated $9.5 million last
year and suddenly it now contains more porn
than almost every other porn site out there.
Which, if you think about it, is exactly the
way it should be. If you’ve got the money,
an almost $10 million investment in this
site is a pretty sound investment if you ask
me – you’ll make a fair bit of money, I’d
suggest.
Because of the sheer name of the site, it
was always going to be hard to really manage
to pin down what the site should have, but I
think they’ve hot the right buttons. A
massive collection of just loads of
different genres of porn that should please
just about everyone should go down well and
I would suggest that it has worked. I do
think a massive amount of credit should go
to PimpRoll though for actually bothering to
make Porn.com the enormous site that it is.
They could easily have turned out a
half-arsed site and still made their money
back in under a year.
But they’ve got so much porn on here that
for all its faults, and they have a lot (the
navigation can be nightmarish in
particular), you can’t really turn this one
down. Oh, and if you see other porn review
sites claiming to have a ‘special price
available to all our readers!’ then that’s
not strictly true – you can pick whatever
pricing plan you want when promoting
Porn.com, so no-one gets a ‘special price’.
Just so you know. Ooh, we’re ratting people
out!
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1)
German Goo Girls |


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German Goo Girls
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Their mothers must be so proud.
German Goo Girls is the site that is NSFW
even if you work in the porn industry. Quite
extraordinarily hardcore and extreme in its
approach, this is the one site that I always
genuinely wonder how they get away with it,
but I always answer that question with the
same conclusion – this is really all about
trust.
After all, when about half a dozen
huge-cocked guys are face-fucking you,
spunking in your eyes, pissing on you,
fucking you in the arse, spanking your arse
and pulling your hair – at THE SAME TIME –
you do need to be pretty sure that you trust
every single person that you’re working
with. And that’s why they can get away with
being quite so extreme, and probably
markedly more than any other site or company
that I’ve seen before. It’s a quite
extraordinary site.
German producer John Thompson hasn’t just
stopped with German Goo Girls either, going
on to contribute whole sites of content or
partial ones for several others in this
network. The grainy nature of the footage he
shoots has led to some commenting that he
isn’t actually a great filmmaker. But that’s
sort of the point – glamorous, well-framed
shots don’t really suit this particular type
of content, do they? So in actual fact, he’s
got it just about right.
It’s pretty fair to say that even those with
a lengthy experience of hardcore porn may
find this one too extreme for their
sensibilities (especially any scenes
containing the infamous Betty) but this is
truly a site that everyone needs to see
before they die.
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